


Fall to Pieces

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Affairs, Established Relationship, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I know Kei, damn it. I know. I’m tired of ignoring you, I can’t take it, when all I’d want is...” he paused, biting on his lip. “We’ve gotten ourselves into something bigger than us, haven’t we?”





	Fall to Pieces

Kei had gotten home in a really foul mood that day.

He was tired, out of sorts.

And he had felt like that for longer than he cared to remember.

He wished he could’ve stopped to think about what was happening and find a solution to the problem, because it had been almost a year now, and he felt he had reached and crossed his limit.

He abandoned his bag in the entrance, and went toward the bedroom.

He looked at the time, and realizing it was later than he had thought did nothing but add up to his tension.

Kota was going to be back home soon.

He brushed his hand over his face, thinking he should’ve rushed it, and he took his clothes off, going to take a shower.

And if he had thought the hot spray of water would’ve been enough to make him forget how he felt, he had been completely wrong.

He kept thinking about everything that had happen, trying not to blame himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to be so little unbiased as to not admit that he had his faults.

He brushed his hands through his wet hair, raising his face to the water, relishing that relaxing feeling as much as he could.

He wished it could’ve lasted longer, but the thought of Kota made him get out sooner than he would’ve liked.

Wearing his bathrobe and quickly rubbing his hair to try and dry them up a little, he went to the kitchen and started to fix up dinner.

And he was still dealing with the yakitori’s tare sauce, which didn’t seem to want to get to the right flavour, when he heard the front door opening.

He forced a smile when his boyfriend got into the kitchen, going straight at him and putting his hands on his hips, leaning to press a quick peck to his lips.

“Hi, Kei.” he murmured, peeking over his shoulder to look at the stove. “That smells nice... I’m starving.” he complained, then moved away, going toward the bedroom to get changed.

Inoo gave up his battle with the sauce and followed him, staying on the doorstep and watching him while he took off his clothes and wore the slacks and t-shirt he used at home. Just then he grabbed his clothes, abandoning the bathrobe on the bed.

“How was work today?” he asked, with that plain voice that wasn’t so much disinterest, but showed how routine was the question.

Kota winced, turning toward him and pulling him close.

“Good enough. We didn’t eat anything particularly disgusting.” he seemed to think about it, then he went on. “Not I’ve eaten much at all, anyway.” he smirked.

Kei laughed at the statement; then he tiptoes kissing him, pulling away almost unwillingly before going back to the kitchen.

“Come. I’ve made you something ‘not particularly disgusting’.” he mocked him, smiling.

The elder chuckled, following him, and after a few minutes they sat down together at the kitchen’s table.

They didn’t talk much. Kota seemed to be tired, and he was too absorbed in his own thoughts to bother making conversation.

They ate silently, but Inoo still felt Yabu’s stare on him.

As soon as they were done he moved to clear the table, but the elder’s hand stopped him.

“Is there something wrong, Kei-chan?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

The other bit his lip, hesitating, then he forced himself to smile.

“Nothing at all, Ko. Why do you ask?”

“You haven’t said a word.” he explained, getting closer and bringing his face a few inches from Kei’s. “What are you thinking about?” he asked, both curious and concerned.

Inoo tensed under his touch at the question.

It wasn’t something he wanted to talk to him about, it wasn’t something that made him feel at ease, it wasn’t...

It wasn’t with Kota that he wanted to vent, but he was the one who was there right now, and somehow he should’ve managed to explain his mood without letting on where it came from.

“I was thinking about Hikaru.” he said, low.

The elder opened his eyes wide at the name, and pulled back a little. Then he sighed, exasperated.

“Still, Kei?” his voice seemed to be more sad than anything else, and the younger bit his lip thinking about how tired Yabu must’ve been of the whole situation.

Not as much as him, he didn’t know all the ramifications of it, but he could read in his eyes that lack of will to talk about it, to take on an argument they had already had countless times, and as much as he tried he couldn’t even blame him too much.

He thought quickly about what to say, trying not to expose himself.

“It’s just that... I’m tired of it. I’m tired of treating him like a stranger, and I don’t know how to help it. It’s been going on for too long, and I...”

“Then go talk to him.” Kota interrupted him, practical. “Go talk to him and tell him you miss him, try and solve this. There isn’t a good atmosphere lately, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Oh, he had. He had seen the others’ concerned stares every time he and Hikaru were in the same room, he had seen how they feared one of them could burst at any moment.

He had seen them, but he didn’t know what to do to reassure them of the fact that nothing was going to happen, to tell them that nor him nor Hikaru cared much to show too much in front of them.

But they wouldn’t have understood, and neither would’ve Kota, and Kei told himself that perhaps talking to him was perfectly useless.

He felt an hypocrite, because he wasn’t trying to make thinks clear, just to vent his frustration without telling to his boyfriend why he felt it in the first place.

His guilt was starting to eat at him, and it was something he hated.

“Okay, Ko.” he said then, forcing yet another smile. “It’s not an issue, I... I can talk to Hikaru. I can make things right.”

He had talked fast, as if anxious to cut the argument short, and if the other had noticed he didn’t show it.

Kei tidied the kitchen and then they both went to the living room to watch TV, but he had too many thoughts going through his mind to really pay attention to it.

He should’ve talked to Hikaru.

And no one could tell him how he should’ve done that.

 

~

 

He felt him thrust inside of him, harder and harder.

Kei clawed his back, pulling him closer, moving his hips to meet his thrusts, abandoning his head on the pillow, his eyes closed so that he could focus only on the feelings that body gave to him, on that insatiable desire of feeling him, feeling his hands and his mouth, hoping it could’ve never ended.

The other brought his hand to his cock, stroking it slowly, never taking his eyes off of him.

He liked to look at him, Kei knew that, he liked to look at his face twisted by pleasure, he liked the need he had for him and to have him on top of him, he liked the feeling of that hot body wrapped around his own.

When Kei came he bit his shoulder, but the other didn’t mind too much.

A few more thrusts, harder and deeper, and he came as well, collapsing next to him, still looking at him and stroking his arm.

Kei kept his eyes closed a little while longer, then he opened them and looked at him, sad.

“I’m tired.” he said, pulling away from his touch.

“I am too.” the other replied, sighing. “Don’t think that this weighs only on you, Kei.” he added, serious.

Inoo sat on the bed, taking his head in his hands.

“It’s just that... it’s too weird. The others think we’ve had a fight, and I can’t pretend anymore, I...” Hikaru sat next to him, bringing an arm around his shoulder and holding him close.

“I know Kei, damn it. I know. I’m tired of ignoring you, I can’t take it, when all I’d want is...” he paused, biting on his lip. “We’ve gotten ourselves into something bigger than us, haven’t we?” he asked, in a whisper.

The elder sighed, letting go against him.

It was there that he wanted to be, it was in that embrace that he felt good, that he managed not to think about what was going to happen outside that room, having to go back home to Kota, pretending to hate someone he had found out he loved.

He wished he had the courage to do something, to speak clearly to Yabu and tell him how things were, but the more he thought he could the less he found the strength to actually achieve that.

And Hikaru never asked for something more and waited patiently, settling for those hours stolen to their schedules, seeking shelter behind excuses and a fight with Kei that had been solved soon, and in the best of ways.

Or worst, seen the circumstances.

“I wish I didn’t have to look at Kota every night and pretend to feel something I don’t.” the elder murmured, letting go against the mattress and Hikaru’s chest.

“It’s only on you, Kei.” the other replied, and Inoo could only sigh, close his eyes again because he was tired of keeping them open, to look at that face full of untold expectations.

Because he knew Hikaru hadn’t expected much from the start, and he couldn’t blame him for his lack of trust in him. He hadn’t given him any reason to believe otherwise.

He wrapped himself in the sheets, smelling his scent blended with the younger’s, surrendering to the fact that he wasn’t able to give up on it.

It was pointless to feel tired, too, because he knew himself and he knew nothing was going to change.

He would’ve kept both ignoring and loving Hikaru, wasting his love with an unaware Kota, for whom he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

After all, that tiredness and that pain were all well deserved.


End file.
